A few weeks ago, my son told me, “I love you more than God.” While this was touching, it also made me think about my heart toward my Father in Heaven. When I first committed my life to him, I wanted all my thoughts, words, and behaviors to be dedicated to him. But that was almost two decades ago. I often neglect to love him as I committed to love him in my spiritual infancy. Edson’s love for me reminds me how I’m meant to love God. I am meant to put all my trust in him, ask him about everything, come to him when I’m in need, and come to him just to spend time with him. He loves all of me, and he knows what I need. He is so wonderful to spend time with, and when I love God like Edson loves me, I’m most at peace.
And as Edson grows and sees more of my shadow, the sin that is invisible to him now, it is my prayer that he redirects his passionate and faithful love toward the father who loves him in ways I cannot. I read something once about the time in a father’s life when he loses his position as a God-like figure in his kids’ eyes. They start to see him as the imperfect human he is, with light but also with darkness. Losing that kind of intense love can feel traumatic. Fathers often reflect on this season as one they have to cope with. Yet if my children don’t lose the ability to love unrestrainedly, but rather send that love to a worthy recipient, then I will rejoice.
So this is my call for this season: to let go of my goals for my life, let go of my anxieties, to rest in him. I think that if I can love God in similar ways Edson loves me, my soul will be transformed and I will bear more fruit. And as my children begin to see me for the man I really am, a pretty good dad who also harms others and often thinks of himself first, I hope to not try to resist the natural change in our relationship, but rather help them see where they can direct their admirational, unconditional, and wholly trusting love. The deserving recipient is God; he will not disappoint.